Why is it So Hard to Be Happy?

"Why is it so hard to be happy?" 

"I work hard, try to be a good parent, pay attention to my diet, and try to do the right things.  But it just doesn't seem to be enough, no matter what I do.  There's always something more or different that I could do, should do, am expected to do, and wish I could do.  Other people get promotions and rewards that they don't seem to deserve and people around me do things that negatively impact me. All these things happen, and much of the time there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it." 

Does any of this sound familiar? So often we live much of our lives in the pursuit of happiness and peace by becoming more "busy". We get busy acquiring more money and objects, working harder and longer hours, getting involved in more activities, getting immersed in watching our favorite TV shows or games. Then in our down time, we find ourselves "numbing" our pain and boredom. We come home and have that glass (or 2) of wine, pick up that six pack of beer, drink that shot of whiskey in order to relax and make the frustration of the day go away. We become dissatisfied with those around us and try to make them do what we want or give us their time, love and attention in the time frames we have available. And, yet, happiness still seems to be elusive. We experience it here and there and then something negative happens and our happiness is suddenly replaced with frustration, anger, fear, or sadness. It seems like happiness is based on our circumstances. "I'll be happy when this or that happens".

As a culture we tend to work harder, acquire more, and expect that our every need will and should be met. When our needs are not met we sometimes get upset and forget to open our eyes, look around us, and see the beauty and wonder that is there in nature and in our relationships. 

This post is the first of 5 looking at the question of "Why is it so hard to be happy?".  Each post will address a different aspect of this seemingly elusive pursuit.

Today we ask the question, "Is happiness perhaps already there and you just need to open your eyes and see it? Is it possible that it's always there and doesn't need to be chased or caught as though it were a wriggly little hamster or a cunning fox?"

The following story is one of my favorites and sheds a bit of light on this question.

One day a fisherman rowed his boat into shore and stepped out on to the beach holding a bucket containing a large number of fish.  He then laid down on the beach, cast his line back out into the ocean, propped up his pole, and began to enjoy the warmth of the afternoon sun and the possibility of catching another fish or two. 

About that time, a very rich and successful businessman came walking down the beach trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach with his bucket of fish and his fishing pole and was intrigued by what he saw.  The businessman asked the fisherman, “How long does it take you to catch so many fish?”  The fisherman replied, “Only a short while”.  “What do you do then?” asked the businessman.  The fisherman replied, “Usually I sit on the beach for awhile and then take my fish home to my family.  I spend some time with my wife and kids, we eat our fish for dinner, and then I come back here the next day and fish, sit on the beach, and then spend time with my family again.” “Have you ever tried catching more fish?” asked the businessman.  “Nope” replied the fisherman. Astonished at this, the businessman decided to help the poor fisherman out by sharing some tried and true advice.

“I am a very successful and rich businessman and I am positive that I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. When you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish.”

The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, “Why would I do that?”

The businessman, not expecting this question, answered, “Well, because then you can sell your fish, buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!”

“And why would I do that?” repeated the fisherman.

The businessman, beginning to become confused and irritated by these questions, stated “Don’t you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!”

Once again the fisherman asked, “And why would I do that?”

The businessman was now quite frustrated with these silly questions and raised his voice as he said, “Don’t you understand?  You can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won’t have a care in the world!”

The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, “And what do you think I’m doing right now?”

 Original Author Unknown but adapted from Classic Mexican and Brazilian Folklore

So, sometime today stop whatever you are doing and notice the people you are with, the activity you are doing, the sounds, smells, and movement in your environment.  Notice what you are feeling and notice what you are thinking.  Then notice the world outside of you again and acknowledge, out loud if possible, the experience you are having at that very moment.  

It might not be amazing or fantastic.  Maybe it's as simple as noticing the temperature and the feeling of the water and suds moving around your fingers, hands, and wrists while you are doing the dishes after a pleasant meal.  Maybe you'll notice that you are experiencing the privilege of listening to your child, your spouse, your friend, your employer, or your employee.  Maybe they're discussing something that brings them joy or frustration or sorrow...But, they're alive and you're alive and they are choosing to discuss it with you!

Maybe happiness is already there just waiting for you to notice it.  Give it a try!